Exploring a New Definition of Success: Beyond the Scale

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within on the Go. I'm Heidi Bilesma-Epperson, one of your hosts and the owner and lead coach of the RevelationWithincom ministry.

Speaker 2: 0:11

And I'm Christina Motley, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach and Heidi's partner in all things Revelation Within. We are so glad to invite you to join us today for this episode of our podcast, Revelation Within on the Go.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Yay, Alrighty. So Christina and I have been visiting and chatting and talking about all things Revelation Within this morning. And what are we talking about on the podcast today?

Speaker 2: 0:46

Well, you know what, heidi this is a question that I hear from a lot of people, and I think that you do as well. If I'm not focused on how my body looks and on weight loss, and if I'm not focused on all those things which, you know, a lot of people are really wanting their focus to be on the Lord and on healing and mindful. So if I'm focused on that, how do I know that I'm changing? How do I know that things are happening? Yeah, how do I know that God is transforming me? What can I look for rather than jumping on the scale? Yeah, great question. What are some of the ways that you and I, heidi, in our past, what are some of the ways that we measured, kind of our success?

Speaker 1: 1:36

That's really yeah, yeah, oh, I know how I did hop on that scale 25 times in the day. Yeah, that was a good way.

Speaker 2: 1:47

I mean, I remember thinking, well, certainly how my clothes fit, oh yeah, and certainly the sizes, all the numbers. There were so many numbers, numbers on the clothing, numbers on the scale and sometimes even tape measures back in the day. Yes, I have charts with all my measurements and all those different things.

Speaker 1: 2:10

And I'm not even body fat percentages, using the calipers or some of those electrode methods in the dunk tank too. Oh my, gosh.

Speaker 2: 2:19

Yeah, I never did that, but I did, of course. Measuring the food, trying to fix the food, worrying about what kind of food, looking at labels constantly, all those kinds of things. Numbers, numbers, numbers, measurements, restrictions those were some of the ways that we used to measure, and I think that what is so important for me to remember when I think back to those days. How did I feel when I was doing that, how?

Speaker 1: 2:50

did you feel? I'll be honest with you at times, at the very beginning, there was a surge of I could do this, I could do this. Isn't this awesome? Watch me go. I would have that, but it would wane and languish and before long it was. This is like being in a boot camp or something, or worse. Yeah, it felt like drudgery and felt like I was deprived. It felt like I was beating myself up a lot for even what I was thinking, so for me it wasn't a healthy place to be.

Speaker 2: 3:23

No, and so when I think back to I remember being so drawn and I know I've mentioned this before drawn to the weight loss stories, drawn to people's pictures on magazines, the before and after it was like I was so Magnetically drawn like what are they doing and how could they keep it up? But then when you talk to people in real life, you talk to your friends and neighbors and co-workers there just isn't anybody, it seems like they can keep that up. It's not sustainable and it doesn't bring peace and it doesn't bring joy. It doesn't grow us in any of the ways that are really important, like spiritually, for example.

Speaker 1: 4:07

Right. In fact, what I have found is when my focus is on those more external things, I Actually become more self-centered, I become more judgmental of myself and sometimes it slaps over to others and Performance-oriented things that I think are not Christ-like attributes. It actually denies some of the ways that God wants me to grow in Christ-like character.

Speaker 2: 4:32

Yeah, I love what you said about the self-focus. That is huge when I think back to all of my dieting years and how I was trying so hard to be Successful, with the little quotes around them like what does that even mean? Even when I was at a smaller size, I wasn't at peace. I wasn't really happy, like I didn't have that joy that I was longing for. I thought that's where it would be and I also thought that it would solve all the rest of my problems. Right, but it didn't, and so I remember just thinking there's got to be more than this. Okay, so let's shift gears, heidi, for just a minute, and let's think about somebody in our life. Maybe it's someone in the past, someone that we have known for a long time, maybe it was just a short time, somebody that really impacted you in your spiritual journey, impacted me, impacted whoever's listening, and there was something about that person. You knew they were walking closely with the Lord you could just tell you knew it. What was it about them? Describe that person. Do you have someone in mind? Heidi, I do, and her name is Debbie.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Debbie would quote the scripture in a way that was so authentic and real and she loved the word of God and I wanted to be just like her. And she had just a way with people. They would feel like she never met a stranger and I knew that was probably what Jesus would be like. He probably made everybody feel right at home right away and she was very others centered. She served constantly. She was just amazing in so many ways. But it was definitely the thing that struck me at first the most, when I first met her, was the way she handled the word of God. She knew it inside out backwards and her love for Jesus was just so evident.

Speaker 2: 6:25

Mmm. Wow, she sounds pretty amazing. And how old were you when you knew her?

Speaker 1: 6:32

I was 23, so a new Christian? No, I've been a Christian a long time, since I was 15, so I met her when I was 23 and I still she's still in my life, just not as prominent a part of my life but I last saw her in 2019 when she came to my wedding and her husband married Michael and me. Yeah, anyway, but yeah, she's just very loving of others and remembers details and she reminds me of Jesus when I see her.

Speaker 2: 7:05

Oh, I love that. I love that she reminds me of Jesus when I see her. So, for you, she was Jesus with skin on.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:13

I'm thinking of someone I had a best friend for many, many years who is in heaven now and her name is Barb. She and her husband were our youth leaders when we were in high school and early college years both my husband and I and we had an amazing relationship that started out very much like youth leader and student and over time, as we both got older, we became very, very close friends and she was my best friend for about 20 years. So she went to heaven really early At least I felt like it was very early but God took her home and I'm sure she's having an absolute blast there. But she was Jesus with skin on for me, One of many people in my life. She was one. One of the things that stood out for me with her was that she was always drawn to people that most people would not be drawn to. Oh interesting. You know what I mean? She was not the out in front kind of person. She was behind the scenes and you always found her with somebody who maybe was more awkward socially, or someone who has some kind of a special need, or someone who was lonely or not confident, almost like a magnet. She was drawn to people like that and I very much thought about the Lord with her and how, if he was here in person again and he was, that's what he did. He was drawn to people who other people may have said I'm not comfortable with that. She was also very hospitable. She was creative, she was funny, she could get very silly. She loved children. She was an occupational therapist for kids who had all kinds of special needs. She was just an amazing person and you could tell when you were with her that she was walking with the Lord in a very authentic way. Her relationship with the Lord was woven into every aspect. She went through some really, really tough stuff. It's not like everything was roses and pixie dust. She did go through lots of difficult things. There was abuse in her background and she had gone through a lot of counseling and lots of struggle. But she was growing. She was always growing, and so there were certain attributes in her which are similar to what you mentioned about Debbie. Those attributes show us that person is growing. That person is changing. God is transforming them.

Speaker 1: 9:51

Okay. So for the person who is wishing that they could shape, shift and that's their focus but also wants that closer relationship with God, how do they bridge that gap I like to encourage people to do and I think, christina, you probably do too is to look at, in your pursuit to experience God's best for your food, eating and related struggles, what are some non-weight loss benefits that you have been experiencing. For me, one of the first things that comes to mind is I am aware of and I've grown less greedy, and that's really not just with food but with other things, and that, to me, is a real good indication that I am growing or have grown, and I think that probably is true of a lot of people who we've met in this ministry.

Speaker 2: 10:44

Okay, another non-weight related benefit that comes to mind and really these are so much better than the numbers on the scale. Oh man, yeah, I know for myself and for many that I'm coaching and that we've had in classes. Their focus shifts from themselves to the Lord, and at first you have to be really intentional about that, because we've been focusing on ourselves for a really long time. I mean, I certainly did. It's all about me, me, me, me, and so for that to shift, we have to be intentional about mind renewal and going to the Lord and freezing him and spending that time with him. But, wow, once it happens. I mean, Heidi, you and I have seen this happen in other people. And again and again how their focus is shifting and it is amazing. It is totally like this. That's definitely one of the ways that we can see someone is being transformed by the Lord. Their focus is on him and praising him and exalting him, and looking at their day, their moments, their lives, like how can I glorify him?

Speaker 1: 11:59

Just last night in a coaching group meeting I just have to share this and she listens to the podcast. She'll probably recognize herself but I won't use her name Somebody who is new to our ministry. She joined our escape from nighttime overeating coaching group, which is our most intensive, very deep, four month long class. She shared with us last night in the coaching group how, when she felt like she really wanted to overeat, when she went instead to a mind renewal tool and did it and she said it actually worked and it was so exciting, how amazing that is and how it's really true really does transform us by the renewing of our minds and she was able to walk away from that temptation. So I mean, I think that one of the ways that we know we're growing and changing is we turn to God instead of away from him a little more frequently. Maybe a lot more frequently, but over time we're going to see the fruit of that as well in our who we are and how we are, and who we are and how we relate to the Lord, that he is there for me to run to. He's my strong tower, he is my refuge. He wants me to hide myself in the shadow of his wings. So it's kind of it's exciting to see that when people come alive to that.

Speaker 2: 13:18

And it's so exciting and you should see the smile on Heidi space. This is what gets us so excited about what we do is when we see this transformation happening in people. It's so exciting and it's so much more important and so much deeper than let's fix the food and let's fix the genes, and I think that the way that I really see this change in people that makes me so excited and I know you see this too, heidi is when their prayers change, the way they pray you know what. I mean, I mean, I'm not going to make a big smile again. She knows what I mean. My prayers used to be so much about Lord. I need this, I need that. Fix this, solve this problem and please just make my life a lot easier. Can you just do that? I mean, my prayers were. They were valid, they were important, but they were yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 14:19

It's really startling when I think of people who have been with us for a long, long while and I know that they have other input spiritually into their lives, so we are like any stretch of the imagination they can credit for their growth in Christ. It's exciting to see the process, no matter where they're plugged in, no matter who's influencing them to going from this place of it's all about shape shifting to it's all about God and praying. It's praises, it's gratitude, it's Thanksgiving, it's just appreciation. You know, when we exalt God, when we thank him for the many gifts that he gives us, it is really hard to grab at something that isn't in his will for us. So it's almost like we can't have self centeredness coexist with a spirit of praise and gratitude at the same time, and we really see that going on.

Speaker 2: 15:11

I mean, I have other people coming to mind right now, who I know, yeah, I knew you would, and you're smiling so big and it's true it's. This is why we do this. It's so exciting to see God working in people as they turn to him. So in Heidi, you mentioned gratitude. That's another one we see only in people's prayers, but in their conversations. Conversations are actually changing and that's a result of their thinking.

Speaker 1: 15:43

Oh yeah, absolutely. It's almost like it's more likely to be a default behavior than complaining or griping or being frustrated. It is so cool to see that that chef.

Speaker 2: 15:54

Yeah, and right now in Revelation, within, we're doing this wonderful month-long gratitude challenge and we are seeing people right and left sharing about how gratitude is softening their hearts, changing their hearts, turning their hearts toward the Lord. I mean, it changes things. It changes how you make decisions, it changes how you approach difficult things in your life. It changes all kinds of things. It's not just in the moment when you're thinking and it just feels good. It is a way that God transforms our hearts. So I'm thinking about someone also, heidi, who's in one of our coaching groups right now.

Speaker 1: 16:33

And she's been a part of our ministry for a long time.

Speaker 2: 16:37

A long, long time and has struggled, just like we have struggled for so many years with issues of food and eating and weight and body image, all of that.

Speaker 1: 16:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:47

She's kind of having this awakening and I'm not going to use her name either, just because we didn't ask, but now that we're talking about this, she's coming to mind and really she's having an awakening of who she is in Christ. Yes, yes, who she is in Christ, what her value is and where her value comes from. Yes, and this is another indication that somebody is growing in Christ, being transformed. Her focus has shifted away from the weight and the scale and some of these other external focuses and she is smiling more, she is enjoying her life. She is laughing and giggling when she describes to us what's happening, even in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Speaker 1: 17:38

The thing that really blew me away. The last time she was at a class together with us, she said such things as, even in the middle of having a negative thought, she took that thought captive and she said no, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. She said that a couple of times and she gets a big grin on her face. Another really cool result of that is she has more confidence when she goes into some of the challenging situations with challenging people in her lives to stand for the boundaries that God has given her to lay. With that difficult situation in relationship, Her sense of her identity has had an impact on her ability to maintain her boundaries her godly boundaries and that impacts everything.

Speaker 2: 18:22

It does. So I love that example, I love thinking of her. I love thinking of so many of our participants who are enjoying this kind of awakening as we lean into the Lord like they never have before, even though they've been Christians for many, many years. So it's so much fun, it's so exciting. Here's another indication that somebody is growing in the Lord and being transformed, and that is how they refer to themselves. So I was talking with someone recently who was kind of brand new to Revelation Within and all the different things that we teach, and in the course of our conversation there were at least five times that she called herself a name and the names sounded like this emotional eater, out of control procrastinator. It was clear that her identity was very much rooted in how she looked and in her struggles with weight and food and eating, and that that was how she identified herself. She was describing herself but giving herself names and underneath those names were shame and guilt and sorrow and disappointment and all those things that we feel when we think that we're owned in certain ways by those kinds of names. So one of the ways that we see oh my gosh, this person is being transformed is when they're calling themselves other names. The names that God has given them. What are some of those names? Hi, we can go back and forth.

Speaker 1: 20:05

Okay, I am more than a conqueror in Christ.

Speaker 2: 20:09

I am chosen and adopted into God's family.

Speaker 1: 20:13

I am His precious treasure.

Speaker 2: 20:16

Beloved.

Speaker 1: 20:18

I am His masterpiece.

Speaker 2: 20:20

Oh, I love that His poetry in motion. There's so many more. We have several lists that we call who Am I in Christ lists, and they're all rooted in Scripture, they're all from Scripture and those are names that are real and true and everlasting, because they're God-given names.

Speaker 1: 20:41

Yeah, they have nothing to do with our performance.

Speaker 2: 20:43

Nothing Redeemed forgiven. Yes, that's me. Yes, set apart, yeah, and so when you hear people start to talk that way, it's like, wow, this person is really changing in a way that matters. It's on the inside, but it's coming out in their conversation, in their prayers, in their journaling, even in their questions. If you ask somebody, well, what questions do you have? And their questions are about the things that are important to God. Here's one more that I see in people. All the time we talk in this world about happiness. How can I be happy?

Speaker 1: 21:25

I want to be happier.

Speaker 2: 21:27

How can I get that feeling of happiness? I want a thrill, I want an upgrade, I want something to make me excited. But in the Word of God, the Lord talks about joy, and he talks about this very deep, abiding joy, and he talks about it in the midst of difficult circumstances, not just the thrill of a roller coaster or something like that, or vacation.

Speaker 1: 21:52

That's fun.

Speaker 2: 21:54

Yeah, or many of us. We live from vacation to vacation and kind of really hate life in between. So the Lord talks about this deep, abiding joy and you'll know it when you see it in someone, because it's like bubbling out of them. It's especially meaningful when the person is going through something really hard. You see that joy bubbling out of them. It's like a miracle, it's like unnatural, it's like what is that? How can it possibly be?

Speaker 1: 22:27

It's supernatural, is what it is, it is, it is supernatural.

Speaker 2: 22:31

And so that deep, abiding joy. And what is that verse? The joy of the Lord is my strength. That's what it means. That's really what that verse means. It means is that God has this amazing joy for us that goes so much deeper and lasts so much longer than the bungee jumping thrill. You know it's like so. When you see that in someone, you can say, oh my gosh, this person is being transformed by the Lord, it's happening. They are full of that deep abiding joy. Not that they're not going to have sadness or disappointment, Right.

Speaker 1: 23:09

Or any blue sea. It's not perfection, it's progress. You know it's. How do we know we're changing? If we're going through this, we're renewing our minds, we're trying to get our focus off of our shape-shifting desires and onto the Lord. So it's progress, not perfection, certainly.

Speaker 2: 23:26

These are people who, the minute something happens that challenges them, they turn to the Lord. Right, I'm going to the Lord. It's like, and not perfection, like you said, but there's a difference in the way they deal with difficulties, Whereas this person, myself included used to go to counterfeit comforts all the time.

Speaker 1: 23:50

I think another really clear example of people that are changing and they may not see it because it's not on a scale are those who begin to kind of live according to Philippians 4-8. Yes, Others, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. They are actually taking captive their runaway thoughts more and more frequently and they're surrendering them to obedience to Christ and subjecting them to this process of is it pure, Is it lovely, Is it right, Is it noble? And if it's not, it gets jettisoned. And you can tell people who have renewed their mind as a habit, who are actively pursuing walking with God in appreciation for all the many ways he has blessed them, instead of with their handout grasping.

Speaker 2: 24:45

Heidi, it's been how many years since you and I started coaching. Is it nine? Nine? In March it'll be 10. So I was thinking about this the other day. What was it about you that drew me into coaching with you? You know what I mean. I was really in a very low place. I was so discouraged at that time. I was so frustrated. I was hiding all my feelings. I was trying to be perfect on the outside, do everything just right on the outside. Inside I was struggling at the deepest level and here you were, on this little video, in your kitchen, and you were saying come and coach with me. And I was really in a place where Only the right thing is what I would have done. I wouldn't have signed up with you, except that there was something about you I saw in you, heidi, even in that little video. And then our first call was just kind of a discovery call you don't pay for the first call and you said let's get together and see if we're a good fit. And I remember I could not stop smiling after that call, heidi. I thought, oh my gosh, this woman, this woman has been transformed. This woman is being transformed, she is growing. She is walking so closely with the Lord. I want what she's having, you know. I mean really. I remember I I'll never forget it because it was a life-changing moment for me to Find somebody like that and all those things that we have described today. That was you for me.

Speaker 1: 26:32

Well, we've shared a few ways you can know you're making progress, that you are being transformed by the renewing of your mind, and those are just some really fun ways to. I mean so much better than Numbers, numbers, numbers. We want to jettison numbers and look to the Lord and he will change us.

Speaker 2: 26:51

If you're wondering, if you're thinking, hmm, where is my? Focus.

Speaker 1: 26:55

What are my?

Speaker 2: 26:56

thoughts on what am I thinking about most? Am I self-focused or am I God focused? Am I spending time every day in praising gratitude or am I?

Speaker 1: 27:07

grumbling all day long. For both of us, I think it's safe to say that we spent an inordinate amount of time Thinking about the next diet, what I can eat, what I can eat, being frustrated with what I can't eat, being frustrated with oh, I'm sick or I'm not feeling well, how am I gonna exercise? Fear, fear, fear. None of that is in our lives today. None of that we have grown away from that kind of a life. I mean that is true. I mean it's amazing, isn't it? It is, it's amazing, in fact, that's another one of those. If you are living in fear, you can live without a fear.

Speaker 2: 27:43

You really can. Thank you so much for joining us today. Yeah, this episode of Revelation Within. See you next time, bye-bye.