Breaking Free from Food Guilt with God's Grace

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 0:00

Hi and welcome to our podcast Revelation Within on the Go. I'm Heidi Weilsmapperson, one of your hosts and the owner and lead coach of the revelationwithincom ministry.

Christina Motley: 0:11

And I'm Christina Montlini, your other host, also a Revelation Within coach and Heidi's partner in All Things Revelation Within. We are so happy to invite you to this episode of our podcast, revelation Within on the Go Welcome, yes.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 0:32

Well, I don't think God cares about my eating. I just what. I hate to break it to you, but prove it to me. I need to hear proof.

Speaker 3: 0:42

It doesn't matter, he has bigger fish to fry.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 0:48

A lot of people that we have talked to say things like these, of course, but and we wanted to address some of that today because, yeah, it matters.

Speaker 3: 0:58

I mean, have you really felt that way, Heidi, in your life? Why would God worry about?

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 1:03

this. I don't know if I ever have or not. I might have in my earlier years of Thin Within, now Revelation Within, because I've been a part of things since 1999, 2000, thereabouts, and I don't remember my journey in detail that well, but I know that for the last 10, 12, 15 years maybe I realized that God's going to talk about food as much as he does in the Bible. I mean he talks about food a lot. There's a lot of feasts. I mean even communion is a food thing, and the first sin in the Bible is food related. I mean that's true. And then the wedding feast of the lamb. I mean there's so many analogies, like yeast spreading through the dough, it's like there's all the feeding of the 5,000. God uses food a lot, and so I think for me, making that connection early on, I don't think I thought that it didn't matter, but I might have not been sure how it mattered exactly until later. I don't know what about you.

Speaker 3: 2:11

Yeah, I think for a lot of years I just didn't want to bring this to God. I felt like I was close to him in so many ways and I felt like I brought things to him, like relationships and maybe a struggle at work or with a friend, but the food and eating piece I felt like I should be able to get this under control on my own. This is kind of ridiculous. I minimized it for myself and I thought what is your deal, christina? Come on, get yourself together and then show up with the Lord and say, hey, look, I figured this out. I just felt like, yeah, that God had bigger needs. I did that work for you. It did not work at all. Yeah, I think God really chose the struggle for me because he wanted me to be drawn into his own heart. Independence, he's been saying to me now for quite a long time. This is an area where you absolutely need me, christina. Not that I don't need him in every area, because I do, but this was something where I was just a flat out, absolutely a disaster area. That's how I felt and that was my identity. I totally owned that. I thought, well, this is how it is, how it's going to be, but I very much felt like I'm not going to bother God with this. He has other things that are way, way, way more important. And yet it seems silly to say that, because it was an issue for me that caused very deep hopelessness and despair and frustration, everything that I kept hidden. It was all secret really, I didn't share any of that, but it was very real. So I mean, if God loves me the way the Bible says that he loves me, of course he would be interested in something that's causing me anything that's causing me hopelessness and despair.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 4:11

Right, absolutely, and that's just it is. He cares because of the impact it's having on us. I mean, food is an integral part of life food and eating and gatherings that have food and eating. If, every time it comes up, we have anxiety, we have fear, he speaks to us about fear and anxiety all the time. He speaks to us about trust throughout his word. So having anxiety and trust issues regarding food and eating opportunities can really stand in the way of our intimacy with God, and he cares about that.

Speaker 3: 4:45

And you know, I think for a long time my view of God just wasn't very good. I mean, I knew that he was a loving God and I knew that he had grace for me, but I didn't connect any of it with my food and eating. I just kept it all separate. The way I saw myself, the way I compared myself to everyone, I just kept those separate. And you know, when I look back I wonder why did I do that? Why didn't I invite God into this area? That was so important. I think it was because of shame and I just really, really struggled with getting past that. God is absolutely that's the best place to go with shame, very best place. That's where the healing comes and there's no condemnation in Christ. But I kept it to myself, I kept it secret. It just continued to kind of grow inside of me, that shame.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 5:39

And that's what happens when we have secrets, when we harbor things, I think, is they do grow and fester and they get so much worse that when we bring it into the light and bring it to him. I want you to talk for a moment about shame. I know some people believe that guilt and shame is part of the package. I'm supposed to feel guilt and shame in order to then go to Jesus with it. So walking free of condemnation is not the deal. I am supposed to feel that because I'm supposed to feel bad for my sin, and certainly for many of us, our food and eating issues provide all kinds of fuel for that. Do you have anything to say to that person? As you were?

Speaker 3: 6:23

speaking, what came into my mind? I have this whole basket of old journals that I need to go through and when I go back and look at those I see that I was in that very place. I thought I need to feel more guilt and more shame so that I can basically hate myself into some kind of lasting change in my life. I just thought this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm going to mess up and then I go to my journal and then I say I'm sorry 100 times and I write it all out, and then I move on and that somehow that's going to change me.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 6:57

Yeah, how's that different from look and learn which we talk about handling our failures.

Speaker 3: 7:01

It's night and day. It's completely different, and that's one of my very, very favorite things about this journey with Thin Within. Now, revelation Within is what do I do with those mess ups? Do I sit in guilt and shame, like I used to, and secret for so many years? Or, like you said, heidi, do I bring it out in the light and do I bring it to God and say I need help with this? I want to invite you into my mess ups so that I can learn something, and this is a journey. It's not a journey of perfection. One of my milestones in this journey was when I realized that I could plan for a mess up, not like I wanted to do it Right right. I would have a plan in place, after messing up, of going to the Lord, receiving His grace, receiving His loving guidance and instruction, and that's called conviction not condemnation. Right Condition is specific gentle loving. It's from the spirit of God. Yeah, yes, condemnation is not of God. So I realized I had this all wrong. For a really long time I thought God was condemning me. I thought I was supposed to condemn myself. If you had asked me, I would have said no, I don't think so because you know I knew that God loved me. And when I look back and I think, what was I believing? What beliefs were driving me to act a certain way? And guilt and shame was definitely driving me.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 8:39

So look and learn is.

Speaker 3: 8:41

It's the opposite. It's something that brings joy and grace and growth. Grace, all the good things that I want. How about you, heidi? What's your experience with?

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 8:52

that, oh shame. Definitely I was caught in a cycle of shame. I would feel shame, I would feel pain, I would want to comfort myself, so I would overeat. That was how I would comfort myself oftentimes, and that would cause more shame, more pain, more guilt and condemnation, and then I want to comfort myself. Yeah, that was a real common thing, and the only way that I was able to begin to break out of it was by going to God with some of the things that I felt guilt and shame about, I had to go to him and ask forgiveness because I had gone outside of his plan. I don't just mean food and eating stuff. It wasn't that. It was the way I had felt about people in my life, the way I had treated them in my life. I had to extend forgiveness and that's where my mind renewal journey began was with forgiveness in 2002. I mean, it was a really big deal because I had been abused with food by my parents. I was raised feeling guilt and shame just for breathing air. You know what I mean. It was really a part of my life and even for those that don't have that kind of upbringing, guilt and shame is so quickly thrown at us by authority, figures, teachers, you know you should know better. Or shame on you. I mean, there's all kinds of sayings we use that really mean you are less than in some way and you should feel bad about that. And so, for me, that journey, beginning with forgiveness and then going on with looking at who God is in the scriptures what is he like? John, chapter three, verse 17, says God sent his son into this world not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. When I looked at it carefully, I had known that verse for years, but I hadn't thought about what it means. And the same with Romans eight one there's no condemnation in Christ. And God just began to expand my view of who he is. And then I began to praise him for who he is. And I tell you what. Those three things alone forgiveness, getting to know who God is through what we call the God list, praising him through the praise fest transformed the shame that I had allowed to define me for years and years and years. Now it's not like I'm free from shame. It can return at any point in time, but I have the ammunition to hurl at it and I can pretty well render it impotent. For the most part. You know, sometimes it takes a little more work and more mind renewal than that. Depends upon what is causing it. Is it somebody else and the way they are treating me? Or is it the way I am handling life myself? And I think, because all of that is so important to God and so much of it is interwoven with our use of food or not, I think he cares about our eating.

Speaker 3: 11:37

I love that what you shared started out with guilt and shame and ended up with joy and laughter because they're not in that place anymore, and I love that. That's who God is. One of my favorite things to do is look at the way that Jesus interacts with people the person of Jesus I love seeing, looking at and thinking about what was God like when he was here, and if I was one of those people in the Bible, how would he respond to me? He would be consistent with all the ways that he responded in the Bible, in the New Testament, with compassion, joy, with I don't know. I kind of imagine him looking right into my eyes, looking like right into my heart because he knows me so well. He made me, he knows me, he gets my struggles. And if I had, you know, a bowl of food in my hand that I was eating but I wasn't hungry, I don't even think he would mention it. I don't either.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 12:39

So what you've just said is why I have said again and again if you could picture yourself with the Lord for just five minutes, just sitting side by side on your couch or across from one another at the table, enjoying coffee or tea or whatever the Lord might enjoy, do I really think at the top of his list would be now, then about your eating? I just don't see it happening. Or we've got to talk about your weight, no way. When you look at the life of Jesus his compassion for others, the grace that he walked in and truth he walked in grace and truth. Scripture tells us that he came to the earth and was filled with grace and truth in John, chapter one Do I really believe that he would be any different than that with me in person? No matter what I struggle with, I think he would want me to know he loves me. His life was given for that purpose. I like to think of it this way too, is his life was given for our sin and the shame that is associated with sin as well. And so that's eat. Sign seal delivered.

Speaker 3: 13:44

Yeah it's done, it's a done deal. Well, and I imagine myself sitting on the couch with this bowl of food or whatever it is. He's looking into my heart. He wants to see why I am yearning for something other than him. What am I going to? Whether it's food or something else, that's where he wants to be in it with me. He wants to help me with that. He wants to encourage me. He's inviting me to come to him for all that I need, and so if there's a heart issue, he's there. I mean, that's what he's all about. It matters, my eating and drinking matters to the Lord, but what he's really looking at is what's going on, christina, in your heart that's causing you to go to something else.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 14:30

Right.

Speaker 3: 14:31

What do you need? Yes, but that's his focus focuses on our hearts and that's why we call this a stronghold.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 14:41

We've been asked over the years, gosh, I've been asked for years and years and years and years is eating one bite past five a Sin? Does God view that as a sin? And of course, some people who ask that came from another program that Taught some similar principles to what then within has been teaching since 1975. My view of that and I believe what is consistent with the character of God as seen in the scriptures and the Gospels are a great place to go is that it's his leadership that's most important, not the bite of food. If he is leading me to Stop and listen to him for a moment or to stop and do something else with my time, I want to listen to his voice and if I reject his voice in that moment, I'm hardening my heart just a little bit toward hearing his voice in another moment. And I think that's where the heartache for the Lord is, is in seeing his children Turn a tale to him. If there's sin involved in one bite, it's not about the bite, like you've been saying. It's not about the food, it's about my heart, and what that little moment tells me about my heart is huge. It could be volumes what it says about my heart in that moment that I'm self-sufficient, I'm entitled or am I aware that God is what I need. That and I don't just mean like slapping a Bible verse on it, I mean there is something deep in my heart that has made me turn To more food than I need, even though it might be killing me to do so. And he doesn't condemn me at all. He loves me and he wants to demonstrate his compassion and Wants me to walk with him in compassion towards myself, and put my hand in his and say let's deal with this together, heidi, let's walk together. Kind of see if we can dismantle what's going on here so that you can be healed.

Speaker 3: 16:36

I love that. Put my hand in his and do it together. That's a beautiful picture and that is the picture again and again that we see in scripture that he is holding us up by his right hand. I mean, that's so personal. I just absolutely love that. One of the things that I know for sure that I have realized about myself over the years is that when I'm struggling with going to Something other than the Lord for my needs, it's because I haven't been with him, spending time with him, it's because maybe I've kind of turned him into a human instead of God. You know, even just the statement God has more important things to do than deal with me Makes him kind of into like a person that doesn't have time for everybody. And you know, when I think about who the Bible says God is. God is as in tune with my life as he is with every single person's life. He is as engaged, he is as busy at work in each person's life. We don't understand it, but he's God, and so sometimes I need to spend that time with him, praising him, talking with him about who he is, so I can remember he is engaged with me all the time. There's never a time that he's too busy and he cares and loves me as if I was the only person on this whole earth. I mean, that blows my mind. I don't really understand it, but I love to think about that because it reminds me of what's important and it reminds me that I need to be turning to him and once I do, everything else falls into place so much more easily.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 18:19

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure, because I know you pretty well, that you don't just mean okay, I'm tempted. I have a choice I'm either going to grab the chocolate chips or I'm going to open my Bible. I'm pretty sure that's not what you mean, right?

Speaker 3: 18:33

No, no, no that's not what I mean.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 18:35

It's having an ongoing relationship with the Lord, where you're working with Him and talking with Him throughout the day. You're renewing your mind throughout the day, on the fly. It's an ongoing conversation. It's kind of like praying without ceasing only when we think of that verse. I think we have this tendency to think we're sitting by a river and we're praying constantly, all day long. And it's not like that. It's in the moment. My mind is thinking all the time. It's going all the time and instead of just thinking thoughts, I'm praying my thoughts to the Lord, offering Lord what do you think about that? Oh, lord, that's so beautiful. I love that. Thank you that so-and-so just called me Lord. If we keep that ongoing interaction, that relationship going, renewing our mind, stopping and listening to Him, that is what sets us up in a good way to hear Him and respond to Him. We are not as likely to turn to any counterfeit comfort, whether it's spending too much money or eating too much food. We're not likely to do those things, and I don't just mean sitting on a mountaintop and closing your eyes and all of that. I mean in your daily life, in your rhythms of life, when you're in the shower, when you're driving to work, when you're picking up the kids, when you're on hold on the phone. All of those times are moments when our minds are thinking thoughts. Why not turn them to prayers or my renewal opportunities? God, you are my shepherd. God, you are my answer. It all prepares me for how I will respond at that moment when I'm I want to grab that food. I probably won't be as likely I know I won't be as likely to if I renew my mind and keep that relationship with God opening going.

Speaker 3: 20:18

Oh yeah, and I feel like when, when I am drawn to food or something else, distraction, maybe all of a sudden I'm scrolling on my phone and half an hour is passed or whatever it is. Whatever the counterfeit comfort is, I can look back into my day or into the last few days and say is gratitude missing? Is praise missing. Have I had any conversations with God? Have my conversations just been me talking? Is listening missing? You know what's what's missing? And have I been all about myself? I can see a direct correlation in the way I respond to things, in the decisions that I make, in how I'm doing, even if the circumstances are hard or change or they're easier. So much depends on have I had that time with the Lord and am I in a posture of humility or am I feeling entitled? What's going on with me, and so I know I can see those red flags now most of the time and stop and say, okay, I need time with you. Lord, let's just let's, let me just tell you everything that I'm grateful for change my heart so that it's open and soft towards you once again.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 21:35

It's almost like the question being asked does God really care about my eating? It's almost like the question betrays what's really going on. If I am asking that question, perhaps I don't know my God very well. I hate to say that that sounds so judgy and I don't mean it that way at all. Yeah, there's a lot of questions that I ask. If I turn it around and look and interrogate my question a little bit, what does that say about what I believe and what does it say about what I believe to say does God really care about?

Christina Motley: 22:08

my eating.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 22:09

What does it say about what I believe about eating? What does it say about what I believe about his sovereignty, his omniscience, his omnipotence, his compassion, why he went to the cross? I mean, he went to the cross for a lot of my everything's I do. It's like I'm sorry, lord, but I'm so grateful that he has, and so I wonder if the question doesn't betray a little bit about what I believe to say about my eating. I mean, a lot of people do, so it's not unusual to ask the question does God really care?

Speaker 3: 22:40

You and I have both asked that at some point, of course, one of the things that really helps me with this, because I don't know, I'm very kind of concrete, like I just need to see and feel something sometimes, and so I think, okay, in the word of God, god calls us his friend. Okay, so, if I think of a good friend Heidi, you're my best friend. And how you respond to me and how compassionate you are with me, how loving, how accepting no matter what, and he's so much better than that. I mean I can bring my dirty laundry to you, you know, you accept me no matter what.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 23:23

Right.

Speaker 3: 23:23

If I think about it in terms of a relationship that I already have, or maybe a few really good relationships that are strong and affirming and life-giving and joyful but also very honest and that's all part of that that helps me. It's like God is a perfect friend. He's perfect, he's perfectly righteous and he's beautiful and he's just. You know, he's beyond what I can even imagine and yet he calls me friend. That helps me to think of how he receives me. I think of a friend in my life who is that way, and then multiply it by a bazillion. That's amazing, yeah. I really appreciate that question. Yeah, it does.

Christina Motley: 24:09

Does it?

Speaker 3: 24:09

matter to God? Does it matter to my best friend?

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 24:12

That's a really good way of thinking about it. I appreciate that a lot.

Speaker 3: 24:17

With somebody out there who is feeling like you know what. Maybe I'm not really sure who God is. And maybe I need to spend more time asking him, looking in the word, thinking about that, praying about that. We have a wonderful tool for you. That is one of our very, very favorites. Heidi, will you describe the God list?

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 24:38

Sure, and I kind of did earlier when I was talking about the way where God took me in my journey. But basically it came about because we were noticing that a number of our participants came to Thin Within now Revelation Within with kind of an incomplete view of who God is, I mean, and we will always be adding to our understanding of him, but he's not like any human authority figure. So I began to plunge into the Word of God and just pull out the Psalms, or a great place to start, and to pull out answers to the question what is God like and what does he do for people? I later on added another question to ask and that is what does he want me to believe? In response to his answers to those two questions? And it can be super helpful. I love jotting them down, but you don't have to. But you can also just whether it's a Christian song, a hymn or a message somebody is teaching, or a podcast, or the scriptures themselves, you can pull out, or different translations of the Bible, for that matter. You can pull out different ways of talking about God, of who he is and what he's like. Yeah, that's how I view it, and then I love to use what I find for a praise fest, saying back to God what he's like, you know, and that's true praise. To me, that's a wonderful way of lifting my own soul up even as I am exalting him.

Speaker 3: 26:02

So praise fest like festival, right, like it's a party.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 26:06

It is a party. I had one class of ladies that I taught years ago that said let's call it a praise feast, because we're feasting on God, and I love that too, but we've stuck with praise fest.

Speaker 3: 26:18

Well, and those of us who use this tool or have even just tried it a few times, you know that it's. It turns our hearts to the Lord and it is so good and so special. It's wonderful to do when you're discouraged when you feel stuck, when you are disappointed or hurt or anything, anything, any need that you have, you can turn to the Lord with this praise fest and it will change your heart. Your heart turns to him in love, independence and joy. It will change your response to the situation. It's almost like inviting God in by doing that. It's absolutely a beautiful tool. So I thought, Heidi, let's just go back and forth Okay, this episode of our podcast with a praise fest or a praise feast. Okay. You know, if you have never done this before, give it a try. It is a wonderful life giving tool that will build your intimacy with the Lord.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 27:25

In fact, I think we're going to include you in our praise fest. We're going to, christina and I are going to take turns, but after I go, she's going to go first, then I'll go. We're going to leave an opening for you to come up with one and say it out loud to God.

Speaker 3: 27:40

Oh, I love that idea. I love that idea.

Christina Motley: 27:44

All right.

Speaker 3: 27:44

So I'm going to go. Yeah, lord Jesus, you are my joy in sorrow.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 27:51

And God, I belong to you.

Speaker 3: 27:59

Lord Jesus, you are my relief in the pain.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 28:04

God, you are my father of all compassion and all comfort.

Speaker 3: 28:13

Lord Jesus, you are my hope for tomorrow.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 28:18

God, you love me. Thank you for your love.

Speaker 3: 28:26

Lord Jesus, you are my peace in the present.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 28:31

I love that. And God, you are Lord of heaven and earth.

Speaker 3: 28:42

Lord Jesus, you are the one whose kindness leads me.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 28:49

And God, you are my way through challenges. You are with me. Want to do one more? Oh sorry, interrupted our listener. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 29:01

Lord Jesus, you have the compassion that melts my heart.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 29:05

God, you are my God, my Holy One, my Savior. You have ransomed me.

Christina Motley: 29:15

Thank you for joining us in that praise. Yeah, I hope you enjoyed that and I'm glad you were here with us. Hope that something here was helpful. Yep, we're so glad that you joined us today and we hope you'll join us next time on Revelation Women. Oh my God.

Heidi Bylsma-Epperson: 29:37

Thanks for joining us. Bye for now. Bye for now.